Welcome to my themed week that I promised! (: This week’s theme is all about me, well kind of. It’s about something I’ve recently become extremely passionate about; pole dancing and lap dancing. And yes, I’m completely serious. I started taking a few random workshops at my university and then when I came home for the summer, started taking an actual class for pole dancing and lap dancing and I’m in love! It’s great exercise, super sexy, fascinating and a great conversation starter. (;

Today for “The Facts Tuesday” I decided that I’m going to go over the logistics of a profession that takes a lot of stereotyping and criticism; stripping. Yes. Today is all about what it takes to really be a professional stripper. How do you become one? What do they really have to do? How much money do they make? How do you stay classy? Yes. All those questions will be answered. So sit back and enjoy, especially if you’re thinking of a career change! (;

1. Do you have to look a certain way to become a stripper?

Since your body is really how you make money in this profession, yes it does matter somewhat what you look like and what kind of shape your body is in. Although a lot of establishments will hire all body types; keeping your body in shape can mean the difference in making $200 a night-that’s a BIG difference! Sad as this sounds, the thinner you are-the more money you will make. The key is to have low-body fat, which makes sense since this is what is going to be the most exposed! The key to maintaining a low body weight is to engage in a combo of either yoga or dance and weight training. Also eating right is something that needs to be done, always. There is also another catch to stripping, as horrible as it also sounds, guys love big boobs. So if you lose a lot of weight and lose your boobs with it? Guess what? A boob job is smiled upon, but not always necessary.

2. How do you become a stripper?

The first thing you want to do is find a club that best suits your needs; makes you feel comfortable and pays well. The money isn’t worth it if you don’t feel good working there. And here’s where the stereotyping comes in: guys feeling girls up or “getting lucky” from a private dance at the strip club is NOT a normal thing and is NOT TOLERATED. For a really good list of available strip clubs in your area go here: http://www.tuscl.net/ . When you find a club that you think you want to work at, simply show up in your best outfit and tell whoever is working the door that you would like an audition-someone will put you on a stage and watch you dance for a few songs. If they like what they see, they’ll talk to you for a while to make sure you’re a good fit for the club. How do you know how to dance? Simply look around you. Watch the other dancers and see what they’re doing and pick up on that. No previous experience is necessary. Truly? Guys aren’t really there to be dance critics, if you catch my drift!

3. Okay, so I’m hired. What do I wear to work?

There are three things that are usually mandatory to this profession: a thong/g-string, heels higher than 3 inches, and makeup-lots of it. As far as the thong part goes, it really depends on the club what they want you to wear, some clubs won’t let you wear a G-string because it exposes too much per local regulations. Some only allow a G-string. But truly, almost all clubs insist on a thong bottom of some sort. For the heels: higher than 3 inches, platforms are appreciated, plastic heel and bottom are preferred, open toed are best (just make sure your toes are trimmed and painted), and buy no-slip grips for the bottom so you don’t bust your ass. Make-up wise, try and be original and dramatic, but mostly this is easy since make-up is naturally a girl-given gift. Body makeup is very important though because you will bruise your legs, etc.!

4. Seriously, how much cash is going in my G-string?

Earnings vary from state to state and from establishment to establishment but here are some rough estimates. If you’re going to be working at a blue-collar, off the expressway, “titty” club you’ll make about $150 a shift. Go-Go dancers or “cage” dancers at a nightclub make about $200 a night, but they really do dance all night-some girls prefer this though because they don’t have to talk to the customers or work for tips. If you want to dance for commission and drink tips at a nude club, you could make about $200-600 a night. If you’re pretty and know what the customers want to hear and work at a higher-end establishment, you’re looking at around $400-800 a night. If you get so great that you’re a feature dancer whose done magazine/movie work it could be as much as $1500 a night. But like I said, these are just a rough estimate!

5. So, like, what do I really have to do?

This also depends on the club. There can be a combination of things including floor work, pole-work, private dances and lap dances. Usually you will work in a 3-song shift; the first song you dance with all your clothes on, the second you take off one article of clothing and then by the third song you are either topless or completely nude (depending on the place). In all of these areas though, they NEVER imply boob-fondling or a “happy ending”! Remember that! The customers do not touch you. They enjoy the pleasure of you dancing for or on top of them. The only time they are ever allowed to touch you is if you work at a “contact-club”, so this might be something you have to consider when looking for an establishment to work. Do you want to be touched? If not, avoid working at those places.

6. How do I avoid the stereotypes and stay classy?

First thing to remember is this is your JOB; you’re an actress, this is not who you really are. Create a stage-name and use it, always. Never give your real name to customers, if they want to remember you, come up with an original stage name, that will definitely make them remember. (; Also, it’s pretty much a given, but don’t give out any other forms of personal information. Don’t give out your phone number or email address. If anything, set up an email or cell phone STRICTLY for stripping where your fan mail can go, but once again use your stage-name. Also, don’t get drunk at work, no matter how nervous you are. It’s dangerous because you might let a customer do something to you that you wouldn’t normally, and it makes you look sloppy when you’re dancing. Do not do “extra” favors for any customer; follow the rules of your club and the laws regarding dancing. Don’t be afraid to walk out on a private dance if your client does something out of bounds, and don’t forget to collect money for those private dances up front. Also, don’t be stupid! Have a bouncer walk you out after work, carry your keys in a fist with your longest key sticking out, or take a cab home.

So there you have it. (: All you ever wanted to know about becoming one of the most criticized and stereotyped professions: a stripper. Personally, I have a lot of respect for women who choose this profession, because it can be quite empowering to use sex as your money-maker. And who doesn’t love all the attention when you know you look good?! But hopefully after reading this, all of you will have a new-found appreciation too, and it might even make you realize that this is the profession for you! Oh, by the way, if you guys want the full details all about becoming a stripper, go to this website, it’s where I got my shortened version of info! http://www.stripper-faq.org

Have a fantastic Tuesday (well it’s late, but whatever) and unleash your inner-stripper today. (;