“What’s your Wildest Fantasy?” (;

04|29|10: Tantric Thursday!

Today’s post is a very special one to me, that maybe not many couples think about all that often. After watching the latest episode of Tough Love: Couples on VH1 dealing with intimacy problems that often plague couples, Steve Ward (the host) did an exercise in which he asked the couples to “transform” themselves into their partner’s fantasy person, it made me think about the differences that men and women often have in sexual fantasies. This inspired me to do today’s post, in which I interviewed 10 of my favorite boys, and asked them to tell me their fantasy, and they gladly did so. (: Today we’re going to be looking deep into the male psyche to answer the question: “Just what do men fantasize about?”

Fantasy is actually a very important part of a couple’s relationship, whether they realize it or not. A  sexual fantasy, or erotic fantasy, is a pattern of thoughts or images produced in the mind intended to produce sexual erotic feelings and arousal. Fantasies can take the form of many things; they can be carefully constructed, long thought-out stories, or a quick flash of sexual images. People use fantasies to acheive sexual arousal and orgasm, or simply just to pass the time or to help them fall asleep. There are definitely some common attributes to fantasies, although really anything can be erotisized, and we are going to look at these commonalities among the fantasies that my guy friends have provided. Of course there are gender differences too (and next week I’ll be covering female fantasies!) but today’s focus is on male fantasies. Males often tend to focus more on visual stimuli during their fantasies and have explicit anatomical ideas of what the object of their fantasy should look like. They focus on things such as hair color, what their object is wearing, and of course, body type. Now let’s look at some fantasies, shall we?! (;

1. “I personally like being surprised in any sort of way. Stuff like coming over to find my girl in a sexy outfit or just jumping to it out of nowhere.” -M.K.

In this fantasy we can see the common traits of SPONTANEITY and SEXY OUTFITS. Men like being surprised because it gives them a sense that their object is trying to seduce them. And they appreciate sexy outfits because it gives them something to visualize.

2. “I’ll tell you exactly what you need to know. Guys have no idea what they like! They pretend to know until it happens, then they tell their friends how cool it was even if they don’t really like it. lol.”-B.I.

Here’s an interesting twist. We often think that all men fantasize about their ideal sexual encounter, but in reality, a lot of men have no idea what would be their ideal. And when conducting my research, several of my boys said they needed time to think of one, because “they hadn’t really thought about it before.”

3. “The girl is dressed in a short black dress and comes home…I throw her onto the bed and take off her thong and tie her wrist up to the bed as she bends over. I then lift her up as I pull up the dress and start pounding into her. I then untie her wrist from the bed and roll her on top of me as she ties her wrist to mine with two studded belts, just about cutting the skin, and then we just go at it from there.”-T.H.

In this fantasy we also see several commonalities. SEXY OUTFITS such as a short, black dress produces visual stimuli, along with his ideal for the type of underwear she should have on (a thong). Also, BONDAGE with rope and studded belts; this aids in the “pleasure is pain” concept. And don’t be alarmed ladies, bondage is actually a very fun and intimate thing to do with your partner if done right! We also see DOMINATION, which is by far one of the most popular ideals for males, whether it be them dominating the object, or the object dominating them. Guys either want to be superior or subordinate.

4. “I’m at my girlfriend’s house and her friends are supposed to come over and I was going to leave, but then we ended up going at it, and her two hot big-tits friends come strolling in. And at first they’re shocked, but then they say, “Fuck it” and join in. So there are three girls all over me.”-A.T.

In this fantasy we see the second most common fantasy among men; having sex with MORE THAN ONE WOMAN AT A TIME. This is because men love the idea that more than one woman would want them at a time. We also see the EXPLOITATION OF BODY PARTS, with the idea of the “big-tits” friends.

5. “I want to have a candlelit dinner with Beau Bokan from Blessthefall and would like to bang any female lead singer, especially Hayley Williams. We would be on stage, in front of a large audience, going at it on a piano. We’ll be making music! (;”-D.S.

In this fantasy we definitely can see SPECIFIC ANATOMICAL IDEALS of what the object of the fantasy should look like, he obviously knows he wants the girl to be a female lead singer, and even has Hayley Williams in mind. Also we can see another commonality, which is EXHIBITIONISM. This is evident by his desire to be having sex on stage in front of a lot of people. Men like the idea of people watching them as they make their sexual conquest. We can also see a hint of HOMO-EROTICISM in this fantasy by his desire to have a romantic dinner with another male, even if it does NOT involve any sexual activities and only involves talking.

6. “A girl is a jewel thief and I am a rookie police officer on my first shift in New York City. She’s robbing a high end jewelry store and she comes out and bumps into me and a necklace falls and I bend down to pick it up for her. When I stand back up I see the bag of jewels in her hand and realize what is going on. She starts running and I, of course, chase after her and shoot at her, clipping her leg. I finally catch up to her outside of an orphanage. There is only one door so I decide to wait for her. When she comes out she falls down the stairs from pain and exhaustion and I realize that she has been stealing to donate them to the orphanage. I pick her up and take her back to my small hole-in-the-wall style apartment and start nursing her back to health. After a few nights she is feeling better and she comes out of my bedroom into the living room where I am sleeping. As she comes closer I realize she has a knife and I roll off the couch. She comes after me and I grab her, throw the knife down, and shove her up against the wall, standing in front of her body. When I walk up to her to search for any more weapons, she reaches down and starts feeling me up. I throw her against the wall and slap her hand away. Then I start feeling up her thighs slowly, as I start to feel her warm vagina through her boyshorts, she wraps her legs around my head and pulls me down to the ground. As I tear off her panties, she pulls my shirt off my body. She throws me onto my back and slides my boxers around my knees and starts to lick the shaft of my penis. I flip her around so that her head is still by my penis and her hips are by my head. As I start making her moan and writhe with pleasure, she crawls forward and starts teasing my penis with her vagina. I flip her around and pick her up and we start going at it for the next hour.”-R.K.

In this fantasy we can see a certain element of some fantasies; he obviously has this carefully constructed, full-blown story with perfect detail as his fantasy. We also see this idea of what I like to call, “Good object-bad object” playing out. His object is bad because she is a jewel thief and intends to kill him multiple times, but she is also good because she is stealing for an orphanage and really wants him in a sexual way. Guys don’t want an all-good girl or an all-bad girl, they want a bit of both. We also see the SEXY OUTFIT idea again here with his choice for the ideal underwear, which in his mind is boyshorts. We also see elements of DOMINATION here with alternating him dominating her, and her dominating him.

7. “I want to have sex in the outfield of an empty major league baseball stadium with my girlfriend in a sexy baseball player outfit.”-J.G.

In this fantasy we see the commonality of EXHIBITIONISM again with the possible thought of getting caught having sex in this baseball stadium. Adding an element of getting-caught boosts adrenaline, giving a sexy thrill. Also we once again see the SEXY OUTFITS, with him wanting his girlfriend in a “sexy” baseball player outfit.

8. “I want to have a five-some with a red head, a brunette, a blonde and a girl with black hair. They all have to be wearing low-cut maid outfits and make me a sandwich afterward.”-A.L.

This fantasy incorporates many common elements of male fantasy. Firstly we have the SPECIFIC ANATOMICAL IDEALS for what the fantasy should look like with his idea of having a girl with each natural hair color. Next we see the idea of having sex WITH MORE THAN ONE WOMAN AT A TIME, by the way he says he wants to have a five-some with them. We also see the SEXY OUTFITS again because he wants them in maid outfits and the EXPLOITATION OF BODY PARTS because he wants the outfits “low-cut” obviously so he can see their cleavage. There’s also the element of BEING TAKEN CARE OF, because he wants the girls to make him a sandwich. Guys love girls who take care of their basic needs for them; sex and food included.

9. “A hot blonde with long-flowing hair pulls up in a Shelby Cobra and hops out wearing a bikini and asks me if I want to go for a drive. We pull off the road in a secluded woody area and go to town. Then after, she says, “let me buy you a drink” and we go to a bar together and she buys me a beer.”-J.B.

In this fantasy the first thing we see is SPECIFIC ANATOMICAL IDEALS of what his fantasy object looks like, obviously she has blonde hair, that is long and flowing. We also see SEXY OUTFITS, because he pictures her in a bikini. And lastly we also see the BEING TAKEN CARE OF complex here too, because she is buying him a beer.

10. “I just want to find a girl to date that is as sexually veracious as I am. We should just fuck all the time-fuck for hours and cycle through all the different positions. It would be passionately intense. Also, anytime spontaneity would be involved would be good.”-C.W.

In this fantasy we see the commonality of SPONTANEITY and INTENSITY. In order for you to find someone to be rough with, it often involves knowing them for a long period of time-such as dating-and this is evident in this fantasy because that is exactly what he is proposing. Also we see the BEING TAKEN CARE OF complex in a different light here; his basic need for sex is being fulfilled in this fantasy by someone who wants it just as much as he does.

Well there you have it guys, the male perspective on fantasies revealed. Now, of course, all you male followers out there have your own idea of what you sexually fantasize about. No one has the exact same fantasy, but what can be shown from this is that there are many similar elements to male fantasies. And this is very useful information for you female followers! Ladies, remember that fantasy is a very important part of relationships and if you can somehow incorporate ONE element of your guy’s ultimate fantasy into your sex life, you guys would both benefit from it. (; So guys, a quick note on how to approach your girl about fulfilling your fantasies: start out slow. Get her warmed up to the idea by just mentioning little parts of your fantasy, perhaps when shopping with her you could say something like, “I bet you’d look super hot in that nurse outfit.” That lets her know what you like. Then eventually, once you’re comfortable enough in your relationship, go ahead and tell her the whole shebang! And let your fantasies become reality. (; Have a kinky Thursday everyone!

Every guy’s fantasy…

P.S. Don’t forget to check out next week’s “Tantric Thursday” when I delve into the woman’s world of fantasy! (: