I’m Ana and I have a boyfriend. We haven’t tried out vaginal sex, because we’re still pretty young for it and we don’t want to take that risk. We tried having oral sex and really liked it. What other ways can we enjoy sex without going vaginal?

Hi Ana. (: First let me start off by saying that I think you’re very smart and mature for saying that you’re not ready for sex because you think you’re still pretty young. Good for you, that’s awesome that you take sex so seriously and recognize it as a responsibility. (:  I’m glad you like oral sex, it really is a wonderful thing isn’t it?! Tongues are such wondrous things. There are definitely other ways to enjoy sex without going vaginal. If you haven’t tried mutual masturbation yet (handjobs and fingering) that can be a great way to be intimate with your boyfriend and there are lots of variations in techniques you can do to keep it spicy! You guys can also watch each other masturbate: it’s very enlightening to see what your partner does to get themselves off and can be fun to try and mimic. Plus people usually find this a pretty sensual and intimate activity because you’re getting a glimpse into someone’s private life with their self. You guys can also try taking a sensual shower together; the hot water makes everything steamy and all sensations are heightened. You can do whatever you’d like in there: have oral sex, a hot make-out session or just lather each other up with soap and enjoy touching eachother’s naked body. You can also give each other sexy massages focusing on other erogenous zones that are often overlooked; such as the ears, the neck, the nipples, the stomach and the inner thighs. You could also try mutual play with sex toys such as vibrators. Hope these suggestions are useful, as I said, I’m really impressed with your maturity! Have fun! (:

hi taylorann, i’m sixteen, almost seventeen, and i’m totally inexperienced. i mean i’ve had kisses but i’ve never really done anything else with a guy, beacuse i don’t know what to do or how to do it. i’ve only made out like once. i guess the word for it is prude, but like i don’t really get horny and i feel weird masturbating. maybe there’s something wrong with me but i’m afraid that if i hook up with a guy, i won’t know what to do. i’m so new to the world of intimacy and all that, is this ever going to change? theres this boy who i’m almost dating but i’m afraid to hook up with him because i’m inexperienced and i’m afraid he’ll notice that and be turned off. what can i do?

First of all it’s perfectly normally what you’re feeling. 16 is still pretty young in my book to be getting into anything too serious sexually, unless you really think you’re ready for it. I think it’s wise for you to wait for that until you’re sure. A lot of girls do not have really high sex drives (there are a few exceptions as always) but a lot of women do not masturbate because they feel weird about it and don’t really get horny until they are physically with a guy and that’s just fine! There is nothing wrong with that and nothing that says that you have to masturbate and be horny all the time. And trust me, as you gain experience in the intimacy department, this may very well change. A lot of girls only start really noticing that they’re horny once they’ve had intimate relations with a guy and realize how lovely it is. (: I wouldn’t worry, your sex drive could very easily and probably will change as time goes on. Now as for being inexperienced with this new guy of yours. Do not ever feel pressured into doing something you’re not ready for. Only hook up with a guy if it’s what you want-not what he wants. It’s your body, it’s your decision. As far as what to do, I will most certainly give you tips on what to do, but I’m going to need for you to tell me exactly what it is that you want to know and what your definition of “hooking up” is. Everyone’s is different. Are we talking make-out basics? Boob groping? Mutual Masturbation? Oral Sex? All of the above? It would be too long for me to explain everything right now, so if you’d like, send me another message for next week asking exactly what it is that you want to know and I’d be more than happy to help. (: Hope this atleast gives you some information though!

My bf wants me to have an squirting orgasm but I really dont know how to, I really prefer to do it by myself first but can you give me tips to reach it?

In regards to your boyfriend’s request I think we need to make a distinction and perhaps deliver to him some bad news. The fact is, not all women can ejaculate fluid when they orgasm, in fact, a very rare amount of women can actually do this. Because of pornos and erotic novels, young men have this expectation that all women can, and that’s probably why your boyfriend is puzzled as to why you haven’t. To be honest, it could be that your body simply can’t do it. Some women do it once in a lifetime and never are able to do it again. If you’ve had other satisfying orgasms with your boyfriend, but no fluid has come out, chances are your body just doesn’t produce the fluid. You can try and see if you can reach this kind of orgasm, simply by doing things you normally would do to reach orgasm-stimulate your clitoris or find a way to reach the G-spot-if you have an extremely intense orgasm, that’s going to be your best bet for “squirting orgasms”. Sorry to disappoint your boyfriend, but you might have to tell him it’s just not possible for you (for the record-I’ve had a lot of great orgasms, but I can’t ejaculate fluid either.) It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s biological and I promise your sex life will still be good even if you can’t squirt. Hope this helped. (:

how do you know you’re not a virgin?

To be technical here; the word ‘virgin’ is a social construction, so really it depends on how you define it to find out if you’re not one anymore. Most people define being a virgin if you’ve never had vaginal intercourse with someone. Some people include oral sex as sex in regards to virginity, but MOST don’t. The scientific definition of being a virgin is if your hymen is still in tact. The idea used to be, wayyy back in the day (1800’s), that women were supposed to bleed on their wedding nights from their hymen breaking because that meant that they were pure for their husbands. If a women didn’t bleed, it meant she was dirty and it was grounds for death. Luckily, it’s not that way anymore, but generally if your hymen is still in tact, you’re a virgin. This is not true however, for girls who have had their hymen broken by something other than vaginal intercourse. The hymen breaking during vaginal intercourse is what constitutes as being a virgin. The only true way to find out if you’re a virgin or not (if you’re not sure) is to go to your gynecologist and have them check if your hymen has been broken or not. Hope this helped!

how do you do it in a car?

Ahhh yay, car sex! (: This is actually a very important question to a lot of teens who can’t be alone with their significant other anywhere else besides the car. The truth is: there is no correct way to do it in a car, it all depends what you and your partner like. The most common places to have sex in a car is the backseat, and the passenger/driver seat. There are different ways to go about this however depending on the size of the vehicle you are in. People with big SUVs and Trucks can also have sex in the trunk/bed of the vehicle by laying down and trying “missionary-type” positions. If you’re going to have sex in the backseat of a car (“backseat, windows up, that’s the way we like to fuck!”), you can either do it laying down (missionary style or girl-on-top) or you can have the guy sit in the backseat and use a girl-on-top position. If you’re going to have sex in either the driver’s seat or the passenger seat, first of all make sure the seat is pushed back as far as it can go (this is especially important for driver’s seats! you don’t want the horn to be honking while you’re getting it on, right?!) also lean the seat back as far as it will go so it’s basically laying down then try a girl-on-top position-this works the best. Car sex is not generally considered the most fun place to have sex-due to restriction of space and style-but it is one of the top places because quite frankly, some people have no where else to go. Hope this helped, have fun! (;

Okay, so I am still a virgin. I’ve never felt I’ve dated a guy long enough time to commit that way. I’m dating a guy now who I know has had sex before. And I reallyyy like him, but I’m SO nervous that I’m going to do something wrong or something like that. He hasn’t pressured me, but when I’m ready, I’m still scared I’m going to do something wrong or weird or he’s going to think it’s strange I’m a virgin! Thankyou, love, Yahara.

Hi Yahara. (: It’s perfectly normal for you to feel awkward and scared and feel like you’re going to do something wrong. To be honest, I think a majority of girls feel the exact same way before their first time. This guy you like should be very understanding of that-especially if he’s already had sex. There is also nothing wrong with being a virgin and he should understand that too, I’m almost positive that he won’t think it’s strange or weird that you’re still a virgin. That’s a really good sign that he hasn’t pressured you yet, it shows he will most likely be very understanding and encouraging if and when that time comes. If he does pressure you though, you know you have the power to say no, you do not EVER have to do something that you’re not ready for. If you really like this guy and he’s as great as you think he is, he won’t have any problems with you telling him you’re a virgin and he won’t be expecting anything from you either-so there is no need to worry about doing something wrong. Just wait till you’re absolutely sure you’re ready and make sure your guy is understanding and patient (if it’s going to be with him), if he’s not, he’s not the right one girl! I hope this was helpful for you. Don’t be nervous, everything will be just fine. (:

Well there you have it guys! Hope you enjoyed this week’s questions and answers and remember to keep em’ comin’ for next week! You guys make “Moaning Monday” happen, so keep it up and don’t hesitate to ask me anything. If you want to ask a question for next Monday or if you’d like to submit a LGBTQ coming-out story for Sunday, go here! (:

http://tantrictaylorann.tumblr.com/ask

Thanks, you guys are truly great! <33